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January 2018

Hubby & I started the New Year off “right” with a good night out! We saw Hedley in Concert at Casino New Brunswick. As with the first and only other time we saw them live, they were Awesome!! Love them. It was a tough year & December was no exception. By January I was a mess. Ended up in the ER because of suicidal thoughts were more than I could handle anymore. I spent 4 days at a crisis center with med changes and was sent home on the 5th day.

I made arrangements with my psychiatrist to be admitted voluntarily to the psych ward. I entered on the 10th & was released in a good state on the 31st. I’m now only on a mood stabilizer, sleep meds & lots of different vitamins. Some of the vitamins I’ve been on for a bit, while others are new to me. I was originally put on a low dose antidepressant (at my request) but have since stopped them. I was not on it long and am in a position right now that I do t need it. I will go over this with my doctor when I see him in March, but I suspect he’ll be ok with this as he only added it because I wanted it. I have not not been on an antidepressant in years I believe. I think I was just afraid of not being on one. I am gonna go day by day and if I start to notice a depression starting then I’ll hop back onto the antidepressant and I’ll let the Dr. know.

I’ve been focussing a lot on different Bullet Journals I have set up and my reading. Thanks to being in the hospital, often having nothing to do but read, I’m already at 9/50 on my Goodreads Reading Challenge for the year. I’m also taking part in as many book groups, challenges and Readathons as I can. I’m also going to be starting a buddy read with my book store buddy C J later on today!

Looking forward to this one! C J is gonna get me going on Litsy lol! I have it, I use it but 1/2 the time I either do things by accident or can’t do what I want cause I just don’t know how! 🤯🤯🤯 I’m @alutzac on Litsy if anyone wants to follow along! I am also on Goodreads (Amanda Lutzac) as well with all these open books:

Some of these books have been open for a while, so I wanna get them read hopefully before end of summer 🤞🏻!

I wanna take the time to thank all the people who have stood by me through everything! I wouldn’t be anywhere without your love, compassion, understanding and utter unshakeable belief in me! Thank you all for everything ❤️❤️❤️ Your love & support mean more than words can ever describe. Thank You! Thank You!! Thank You!!! I love you all xoxo

So 🍺🍺🍺 to a better 2018!

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2017 in Books

Well, 2017 was not what I expected. Both in life & in books. I read a lot of new authors this year; Most of which, I very thoroughly enjoyed. Here are the highlights:

Fave Audio book:

Still Foolin’ ‘Em… by Billy Crystal

Fave Fiction:

The Game Maker Series by Kylie Scott

Dive Bar Series by Kresley Cole

Ice & Fire by Kathy Coopmans

Fave Non-Fiction:

Beyond Belief: My Secret Life Inside Scientology and My Harrowing Escape by Jenna Miscavige Hill & Lisa Pulitzer

Fave new authors:

Kylie Scott

Chelle Bliss

Julie Ann Walker

Jaci Burton

Robert Bryndza

So for some reason, I can’t load any pics 🤬🤬🤬! Even though I didn’t meet my Goodreads goal, I gotten into at least one new series (Jaci Burton). I set my Goodreads Challenge @ 50 for 2018 & I’m hoping to increase that to 75 & then (maybe?) 100? I have hopes of more reading in 2018. Happy New Year everyone & thanks for following me ❤️❤️❤️

Books! Books! Books!

Decided earlier today that I was gonna “tackle my books”. Everyone, who knows me, knows that could mean MANY things. Literally I could be doing ANYTHING book related with this statement. Kevin, awesome hubby that he is, even helped me out (until I started getting complicated & potentially unreasonable) lol!

At first it started out as 4 moderately sized piles of more recently acquired books. Then, I really had to think ’cause they’re not all organized or placed where I eventually want them placed. So out come the 3 ring binder (6″ BIG) & honey wrote all the names and authors for those books. Thinking of it now, I can think of a few (5-10) books I forgot lol.

Once that was done, I took to 3-4 of my reading groups on Fb got cataloguing advice. I got lots of ideas & wish I could use them all! Thanks to all those that gave me some advice. I decided to download a new app called Libib from iTunes. Before I began, the migraine hit like a tsunami. So I took some Tylenol 3s I got from my surgery this past Monday & hopes for the best. The nausea came both before and after the Tylenol & the gravol & ginger gravol.

Back to the books! I wanna start by saying that YES I love going through my books. Organizing them and putting them where I want them (assuming they fit…) which right now is hard to do. I have way more books than I have space. But I am okay being overrun by books. Honey maybe not so much lol. I’m the nerd that likes to walk around the book stores and wait for something to “grab” me. I’ve started reading more True Crime & more Bios (autobiographies are my fave in this respect though).

So far I’m Loving this app! Yes I use Goodreads & I use Litsy (although neither to their full potential. I chose to move forward with a new app for 1 main reason: I could start from scratch & do it right & proper from the start. At some point I need to go through my Goodreads & restructure. But that’s not what I was in the mood for today. A new beginning for a New Year.

I have the ability with the Libib (as with Goodreads) to scan my books. So, I set myself up with 18 shelves just for books. I realized the potential of adding movies & music after the fact 🤬🤬🤬!!! I quickly come to the conclusion that my HQN (Harlequin) books will almost all need to be manually inputted. This girl ain’t got no time for that now. Keeping that task for a snowy day that I have nothing better to do. I’ll chip away at it slowly! I also found a duplicate book & a handful of others I acquired that I’ll be trading in for credit (maybe tomorrow)!

Now that I’ve given up for the night, after only scanning & inputting 40 books, I’m gonna take my meds and hit the hay. Tomorrow I promised honey we’d catch up on t.v. episodes on the PVR. Whatever he wants to watch.

Goodnight & thanks for letting me ramble!!!

My 2017

So, here we are, December 8, 2017. The last several months have been sketchy for me. I’ve been hypo, I’ve been depressed, I’ve been suicidal & I’ve been happy. That’s not to say that these are the only emotions I have felt. I have been bombarded by emotion & left completely naked without any. All of this has been going on inside me.

Welcome to a “mixed state”! It’s everything and nothing all at once. I go from content or full of emotions to completely bereft with my loss over them. This is a state of mind I vaguely remember from my teens. It’s scary as hell and exhilarating like a roller coaster. I can’t seem to function without 🎶 & God forbid I accidentally forget a med 🤯. Although, I have been remembering to take them basically every day. Now I have to remember to take ALL my vitamins as prescribed! I forget them more than I take them 😔.

So, that being said, I’d like to try & sum up what 2017 was like for me:

January started with an ER trip. I’ll sum it up for you. Surgery because of an abscess that refused to allow me to pee. Basically, it was really bad & I ended up in Acute ER & Trauma for surgery. That took FOREVER to heal & may still need a minor surgery in a few months depending on what the Dr. says at my next follow up.  On a completely unrelated issue, I had another minor surgery on December 4, 2017.  Just the way I both wanted to start and finish my year.

I’ve been suicidal and at other times, mostly content.  It’s been a ride with the devil through what felt like Death Valley.  I know that compared to many, I have no right or reason to complain.  I am very lucky and privileged and I know it.  I try to help others when I can and that means both donations and smiles. I’m kind to my neighbours & strangers in general.

There were a lot of first time events with Rosie! Her 1st Birthday being the main thing. She got to spend a month with Grandma & Gramps Lutzac. I went home in mid May for some me time and got back for Canada Day. We celebrated our Nation’s 150th Birthday among the crowds & fireworks!

I’ve done a fair share of reading, although not as much as I would have liked. So far, I’ve only reached 50/75 in my Goodreads Challenge. I’ve got 12 books open & am actively bouncing between 6. I have a Readathon starting in a few minutes. I hope to read a lot during this last one of the year. There’s some hope though, lol, there are still 23 days left & @ least 1 Readathon! Hear of any other Readathons please let me know! Any excuse to read lol!!! We’re planning a quiet Christmas with just us and Rosie, so lot of reading and movie marathons will be participated in!!! Goodreads Challenge so far.Rosie eating fish chowder from Grandma Lutzac. 😻😻😻Kisses with daddy! 😻😻😻 On October 21st (mom’s birthday) dad had a major heart attack. He had 3 blockages: one @ 90%, 70% & 50%. The cardiologist put a stent in the 90% blockage. He had to spend a few days in the hospital and then he was on weight restrictions and bend/lift restrictions as well as not being able to work. This was a HUGE adjustment period of 2-3 weeks. He was starting to go stir crazy ’cause all he could do was visit my Mère (his mom) next door or watch t.v. I imagine that’s quite boring when he’s used to being on the go always.

The rest of the year has been a dervish full of other personal & family matters. It just never seems to end. We are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Is this what being alive and being an adult means? Obviously not, but it’s certainly the way it feels sometimes. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other! We ants march on and on!

Here’s to New Year’s Eve! Hubby @lutzy080 & I are ringing in the New Year at a Hedley concert! This is a Christmas present from Kev’s mom. Amazingly generous of her. ❤️❤️❤️

Hypo-Mania 2017

So, to the best of my knowledge, I haven’t been hypo-manic since my teens! Wtf!! The closer I look the more I realize I’ve been “acting weird” for close to 2 months.  Duh! Right?!?! The thought of having anything other than a “manic moment” which, I sometimes get frequently.

Life is hard, we’re struggling and doing our best not to upset anyone.  Some things are looking up, others are being managed or treated.  My mind races to the point that I may catch 1 thought out of 25-50 of them.  Sometimes that comes with PTSD symptoms (thankfully not at this moment), extreme emotional instability, severe anxiety & panic. It also helps get things accomplished faster too lol!

Right now I’m sitting on my bed trying to decide what to do.  But like this, in this hypo-manic state I notice things.  🎶 is greater! I took a long hot bath followed by a long shower.  Almost completely drained the hot water tank down to nothing.  Realized I should get out of the shower when I started soaping up again for the 4th time in a row.  I shaved, relaxed & washed my hair good with lots of hot water instead of the usual cold/cool (The only purpose for this is to maintain my Twisted Teal hair colour.  I bought more dye today along with a finger nail painting accessory, a tattoo colouring book (for Kev & I) an Amopé foot filer and some meds and such.  My girl Trina told me she didn’t mind doing my hair so I’ll talk to her soon.

I’ve done (with help) the dishes, made supper, had 1/2 my night meds and contemplating the other 1/2.  I can skip the sleepers.  Never mind, it’s in my best interest to take what I can.  So I just took a modified dosage, because it’s now 6:19am & I haven’t slept in close to 24 hours.  So I took 1 sleeper instead of 2, but everything else was as per usual (just WAY later than even my late nights).

So I’m doing it all lol!  Not sleeping enough at night, always wanting/needing to be doing something no matter how small.  Wanting to read EVERYHING at the same time!  No jk, I have 4 books, 1 cook book, 2 Archie Comics, 1 Kobo, 10-12 colouring books, markers, pencils, my back pack full of bullet journaling “equipment” lol, my Kobo & cell/iPod charger cables and cube, my purse, a huge bottle of water, Ranch Doritos, hand cream, eye drops )on the bed) and last but not least my slippers by the bed.

I think I’m gonna try and get some 💤 before my pill alarm goes off at 10am.  Good night folks! 

Dewey’s #Readathon – Hour 12

Sorry about the late post everyone.  It’s been a long day & I haven’t had time to write anything up.  Even now, I’m at a loss for words.  I’ve been so looking forward to this event ever since April’s ended lol!  April was a hard month, personally & I couldn’t keep focus enough to even finish 1 book.

This time around, I made a medium sized box with different authors & different genres.  I’ve had it done since late September!  I’ve been really setting myself up good!  Unfortunately time is not my friend.  I spent time at the library this morning getting an audiobook on Martin Short while my hubby took a free basic video editing course for 2 hours.  He was just doing it because it was a different program & for something different to do.  He knows some Photoshop so…lol.  While there, I read for an hour (already being hour 2 or 3) & then we left to go home.  

We got home & shortly thereafter is when we were caught by a family emergency so I have read very little unfortunately.  I’m gonna keep reading & aim to finish my current read.  

So far I’m loving this books and am definitely gonna be looking at investing in the rest of the ENTIRE series!!  Happy reading everyone!

#30daysofreadathon

Hey everyone!!!

This fall’s Dewey’s 24 Hour Readathon has morphed for us book lovers! #30daysofreadathon is the tag for lots of book loving fun from now until Dewey’s on the 21-22 of October. 

This is my TBR for the month!

These are the challenges! They are also on Goodreads & Facebook! Today we are Day 24, so the discussion revolves around drinks!


This is my Family! We celebrated Rosie’s 1year adoption anniversary yesterday so she got spoiled lol!

Happy reading folks! I’ll hopefully be posting more often. ❤️😻💋

Crazy A@&? Summer 2017

This summer started early for me.  Let’s say mid May when I decided to take an unexpected trip back home to Ontario.  As you’re all aware, I suffer from Bipolar 2 among other issues related to mental health.  This trip was needed to save my sanity! Some things were going on (on my side of the country) that I shall not discuss for many reasons.  I was feeling particularly down and depressed among other things.  

So, I discussed, decided, made travel plans & flew out 3 days later.  A very rash & unplanned trip.  I feared mania, but could do nothing about it besides riding the wave, which (thankfully) didn’t come.  My dad picked me up at Pearson, in Toronto, Ontario, & he drove the solid 4 hours, he had literally just driven, home to mom & dad’s house beside my Mere.  While I was visiting I visited everyone I was able to see. I had coffee, 🍓, pop & lots of water.  I spent some time in the sun when I shouldn’t have, went on my first motorcycle ride with my dad & learned how to cut the grass (never my chore to do as a child so, I didn’t know how to lol 😂).  I tried to get up at a decent hour no matter when I had gone to bed (after watching endless NCIS reruns with my dad 😜) the night before.

I tried to be more present in conversations and less distracted by my cell phone, unless I was taking pics/videos.  I got to watch some softball games & enjoyed them!  Imagine that!  Helps when you have someone to cheer for lol!  I got to spend more time with my “older brother” (mom’s BFF’s son), his great wife and 2 of my beautiful nieces.  Got my hair trimmed & re-dyed “Twisted Teal”.  I read, I coloured, I listened to music, watched t.v. and visited as much as I could.  My aunt gave me a box full of books by some of the many authors I currently have in my library.

I came home to New Brunswick after driving to Montreal with my dad & uncle to catch the bus through to Moncton.  What a ride!  I’m such a nervous passenger sometimes, wow!  In the end, their car ride saved me 16 hours of bus terminal sitting.  I very much appreciate everything they did.  I appreciate everyone for taking the time to spend time with me.  It really means a lot & I am both thankful and greatful for having you as part of my life and family. ❤️❤️❤️

Shortly after arriving home, my brother-in-law, sister-in-law along with their 3 kids came down to Kevin’s parents house.  We got to spend load of time with them because they stayed about a month or so.  We got to go to Fundy National Park, Get Air (indoor trampoline park).  We got to get lots of pics and play games with them.  They are Vegans so, naturally we tried some different foods, lentil soup being one of the best!  We went to the market, the play parks and just basically spent a lot of time at my in-laws (which is ok by me). 

After my brother-in-law & family left, we had a massive cleaning ahead of us.  We figured out that, in the 17 years we’ve been together, we have never been completely at home on our own.  We’ve lived with my parents, my Memere & my parents a few times lol, but in our own places we were never unpacked or comfortable or safe or whatever.  Anyone know what I mean? 🤔 Incentive: my Mère, 2 of my cousins & a friend were coming to the east coast for the first time (3rd for my Mère).  We went batshit crazy & thankfully (this time) I had several manic moments that propelled us along very quickly.  We got the ENTIRE apartment cleaned, organized and unpacked (save 1 box full of candles) th day before they arrived.  The floors were done the morning before they arrived. 

With my cousins, friend & Mere we went and did some local stuff like TreeGo (www.treegomoncton.com).  My cousins, the younger one’s friend & Kevin) went to the Boardwalk to do mini golf, go carting, batting cages ect…  I stayed home to get a little cleaning and whatnot done, while my Mère stayed with me and got some reading done (see where I get it from lol 🤣😜).  My Mère stayed with us for a day while the other 3 visited a bit of Nova Scotia.  They saw Peggy’s Cove and went for supper with a friend.  We all went to P.E.I. For the day.  We walked the beach at the Confederation Bridge.  This bridge is 14km long and both sides are barricaded with concrete battiers. I drove my cousin’s car to the island while she sight saw and she drove it at night when we came back to New Brunswick.  We went to Cavendish Beach, Cavendish Boardwalk and The Warf seafood restaurant in North Rustico, P.E.I. What a meal!  Holy cow 🐄 expensive $$$!!  It was ok to do once but, I’ll never go back because of their prices.  Got a beautiful handmade set of earrings there though!  We visited new places and some that Kev and I had previously been to.  Overall, it was a great day!  My cousin’s and their friend got to swim in the ocean and o hot my Mère to step in with me! 

Now September is here and things have calmed down. Kev and I are getting up around the same time every morning and aiming for the same thing at bed time.  I’m taking my meds and trying to spend more time enjoying life.  We’ve even started walking every day. We are maintaining the apartment and Rosie now has free reign of the place.  She just got herself kicked out of the bathroom today though cause she won’t stop tearing the shower curtain. 

So I haven’t had a lot of time to read, but I’m ok with that.  Somewhere along the line I’ve realized that I have never in my memory (so, basically since age 9) taken things one day at a time without expecting the worst.  I have taken a new shine to life and hope that it can help me overall.  Life is worth living and I plan on doing more enjoying and less skepticism.  

Journey Home to NB

As planned, & as expected, we left my parents house in Northern Ontario to start our trip to Montreal about 30 minutes over schedule.  But we were armed with water, snacks and of course, LIFE BLOOD lol, coffee!

I tried napping & reading but neither held my attention.  So I ended up staring out the windows of the car & closing my eyes.  We stopped for supper somewhere around 4:30pm EST in Pembroke ON.  I tried to pay and was beat out by my dad.  Somehow I’ll make it up to him 😈  Dad drove the entire trip down and shortly after we entered the concrete jungle that is Montreal QC, after a wrong turn, no parking and a whole lot of curse words, English & French I believe lol, we finally found the Grey Hound bus depot.

My dad and my uncle waited with me while I got my tickets exchanged (long story), took a bathroom and smoke break.  Once they were sure I knew where I was going they headed out on the long trip back home for them.  I however, was only done the first leg of the journey home to Kev & Rosie.  I still had 17 hours ahead of me.

The bus trip was LONG & crowded.  It was an overall exhausting trip.  It’s boring alone because I’m not the type to strike random conversation with a total stranger.  If there’s common ground then I will sometimes initiate a conversation, but I always feel dumb doing it.  I was almost in New Brunswick when I spoke to my dad.  They had a good trip back and had just arrived when his phone rang.  It was 2:30am EST.

After another bunch of hours, which seemed endless, I arrived in Moncton NB.  I was the first person off the bus & had my luggage out before anyone else lol, no joke! My hubby, Kevin, was there to welcome me home & he brought fresh LIFE BLOOD!!  God I love that man!💕

We went to the liquor store & grocery store before making it home from the bus station lol. They happen to be across the street from each other 🤣.  Next, we brought my luggage home, put groceries away and opened some windows before heading to my in-laws to get Rosie 😻 and her belongings lol!  

Overall, the trip was long and boring because I couldn’t stay focused on my book.   So I did a lot of staring out the windows and chatting with my new seat mate & her little therapy dog Johnny Cash (J.C.) until they got out in Fredericton NB.  After that I had my own seat and kept to myself.  I got myself as presentable as one can be after spending 16 hours crammed into a bus seat beside some random person.  I tried to nap for the last 2 hours, but to no avail 😡

So I slept extremely little, read a little, played games on my cell &, let’s not forget, viewed the beautiful country side of Northern NB from the giant windows of the coach bus. 

I am eternally greatful for my family for being the best support network this girl could ever ask for.  Thanks for your hospitality Mom & Dad!  Thanks to my Mère for spending time with me during the days & all my friends and family for having coffee & shooting the suit with me.  I’ve come home with a full soul & an overflowing sense of love, admiration & respect for all of you. 

Much Love!! ❤️💋💕😘

Departure – Trip Home

So, I was all set to take the bus all the way back home. Turns out, instead of 23 1/2 hrs it was gonna be a 36hr bus ride. I’ll admit, I freaked a little at first but eventually got over it and convinced my dad I’d be fine, even with 2 lay overs (both 6hrs long) nothing but 3 hrs apart. I set up a mini Readathon and everything.

Then yesterday (hrs before departure), my dad, uncle and Mere decided they really didn’t like the lay overs. They’ve decided to drive me to Montreal so I can miss the lay overs and have a shorter bus ride. I was reluctant at first, but eventually gave in under the condition that they could get me there 1 1/2 hrs before the bus leaves. That way I have time to ship my box of books, have a smoke and then wait in a hopefully shorter line up.

So that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I (as a 32 yr old woman) ends up in a car with 2 other adults, a box of books, a purse, 2 suit cases, 1 lunch bag & a whack load of junk food end up in my Mere’s car on the way to Montreal. We have a few stops to make before departure, but hopefully short ones.

We are 2 hrs 15 mins from leaving and I’m all packed and ready to go with only 10 minutes warning. I’m all set for the trip. I got books, movies & music all set to be used. If anyone wants to join me, I’m starting a 24in48 Readathon starting at 12 noon EST today. Wish me luck & I’ll see you on the flip side!